Let's try this again.

Well, the food has just been more of the same.  Also, I had some log-in problems, hopefully it was just a computer glitch.  I got some new tennis shoes for walking at work.  However, it seems that the more I walk, the more my knees , hips and back hurt.  The arthritis pain has gotten worse the last few weeks.  It seems, the more active I am, the worse the pain becomes.  Not to worry, I have my chair arobics (hmm, that doesn't look right) dvd, and if I do it correctly, there is no pain.  It's just that my only time to do it is at 5 am.  Sounds like a lot of excuses, huh?  HAHAHA!

Gotta go finish dinner.  Dinner tonight is scalloped potatoes (made with nonfat milk) and broccoli.  I guess that sounds ok.

Yesterday for lunch I had 2 cheddarwurst sausages on hot dog buns and a Coke, later some honey dijon Kettle chips and Coke, dinner was Swedish meatballs (made with butter) on noodles, green beans and milk.  Breakfast today was 2 cheese toasts and milk.  Heavy, heavy sigh.

Ok, here we go.

Ok.  So.  I have decided to start a blog hoping for accountability.  Today for breakfast I had 3 eggs fried in bacon drippings, 2 slices of toast with butter and a glass of water.  Good grief, it sounds a whole lot worse when you write it down!  My point exactly for this blog.  If I write it down and know that other people might see this, then, well, you know. 

 I have never been a yo-yo dieter, never been a binger-purger, never been a closet eater (hide food so others won't see), never eaten a whole container of (insert food here).  I used to hike a lot, used to walk 4 miles in 45 minutes, had a stretching routine.  I did this for several years and I loved it, I was so very happy.  Then, I blew out my knees and arthritis set in.  Compound that with a series of BAD relationships and you have a mess.  Me.  Gaining weight makes me unattractive and that is exactly what I wanted.  I wanted to disappear and blend into the background.  And I did.  But in the process, wasted so many years of my life.  I can't get those years back, but I hope to make the years to come, better.

I have been trying to pay attention to when I am full.  Well, not neccessarily full, but satisfied.  If you are full, there is a chance you have eaten too much.  I am trying to drink more water, have started walking on my breaks.  This is killer on my knees, but my back feels better.  Every step I take is painful.  I am trying to be more aware of the quality of my food, too. 

I used to like to cook, but the things I cooked were good for you, healthy foods.  But after my knee surgery, standing for so long hurt too much and I stopped.  Fast food and and frozen food became the norm.   And then on and on, until I got to where I am at today.  I am sick to death of these kinds of foods.  I am also sick to death of thinking about food, what to eat, what not to eat, etc, etc.  I would be happy if I never had to eat another bite of food.